10 Synonyms For Being A Wanker!

1. Metrosexual – self-consciously middle-class and faux-sophisticated; some are simply wankers whereas others claiming this label are utter pricks.

2. Undersexual – just not getting any.

3. Autosexual – a wanker and proud of it.

4. Retrosexual – the moth-eaten comfort blanket of a memory AKA nostalgia dating.

5. Pansexual – desperate enough to be up for anything including the five-knuckle shuffle.

6. Asexual – so in love with yourself you’re not interested in anybody else.

7. Monosexual – the not so silent majority (a post-modern wall of sound) who never tire of the same old thing, or themselves!

8. Polysexual – see pansexual above.

9. Pornosexual – fans of dirty movies and one-handed reads.

10. Octasexual – those who are attracted to men, women, he-shes, transvestites, animals, inatimate objects, food and jerking off.

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!

About mistertrippy

Stewart Home was born in south London in 1962. His mother Julia Callan-Thompson was a showgirl and club hostess. He has never held down a regular job for more than a few months at a time. On those rare occasions when he's been forced to work, Home has taken employment as a factory labourer, agricultural labourer, shop assistant, office clerk and art class model. Deciding he didn't like working in factories as a teenager, Home pursued cultural and political interests, writing many books and participating in even more gallery exhibitions.
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23 thoughts on “10 Synonyms For Being A Wanker!

  1. SC says:

    A (vinegar) stroke of fine writing genius there, Stewart!

  2. raymond anderson says:

    Whats someone who screws the corners of cupboards?

  3. Jennifer Harrison Stanton says:

    Really enjoyed reading and learning …. lol ….. very amused. Well written ! x (-:

  4. Simon Evans says:

    ‘a man is as eager to judge as he is to ejaculate’ Camus

  5. mistertrippy says:

    Toot toot! I dunno what it is but wanking themed posts just seem to get more hits than anything else… and of course I’m enough of a tosser to exploit that!

  6. Tim says:

    Best definition of ‘asexual’ ever.


  7. This blog deserves a big hand… but I’m too busy clubbing the cucumber to do it myself!

  8. AD says:

    I’m enough of a twat to second it!

  9. Tom says:

    you getting ready to pull a train?

  10. Leanne says:

    Whats a “wamker”?

  11. mistertrippy says:

    The term wanker originated from British slang in the 1940s. Wanker literally means “one who wanks (masturbates)”. In modern usage it is usually a general insult. It conveys contempt, not commentary on sexual habits (but I’m playing off the two here). Wanker has similar meanings and overtones to American pejoratives like jerk(-off). One connotation, implying egotistical and self-indulgent behaviour (and more analogous to American douche(bag), is the dominant meaning in Australia and New Zealand.

    Wanker may be indicated by a one-handed gesture, usually to an audience out of hearing range. It is shown by curling the fingers of the hand into a loose fist and moving the hand back and forth to mime male masturbation, which is equivalent to saying, “[you are a] wanker”.

    In the United States, the term is understood, but seldom used, and then more in a way suggesting the target is an idiot or moron.

  12. Simon Evans says:

    Actually I just saw the term ‘wanker’ and thought I ought to contribute to this blog.

  13. Simon Evans says:

    Contribute a load of wank that is …

  14. Leanne says:

    have heard of these activities before, but one of the tags on your blog is “wamker”. I thought wamking sounded fun. I wondered if it was perhaps an emotional an meaningful version of wanking which involved crying, a blanky and some chocolates? Emotionally self indulgent form of melancholic wanking = wamking

  15. Charles Atlas says:

    You didn’t make any shake weight jokes in this. We could have done with one of those! Shake weights are for wankers.

  16. Aaron says:

    I’m under- and pornosexual, and like most addictions are co-dependent!

  17. mistertrippy says:

    And we missed over-sexual too which probably involves most of ’em!

  18. Russell Brand says:

    Is this a private circle jerk among friends – or can celebrities join in too?

  19. Katy Perry says:

    I think I’m gonna gag!

  20. Michael Roth says:

    You forgot Homesexual – one who fetishizes and masturbates to the works of Stewart Home.

  21. mistertrippy says:

    And that’s a common one – it isn’t just me who does that!

  22. I went to school with a John Wanker (’tis true!). I think the use of the word went into overdrive (more general usage) about 1968. Incidentally, ‘wanking the cloth’ is an old scottish term, possibly for the fulling of wool.