1. Elegantly – that’s with a massive advance from a production company or publisher and no audience!
2. Spectacularly – as success slips from you’re fingers you realise that in a few moments you’ll be dead!
3. Hypocritically – by being evil when your motto is ‘don’t be evil’!
4. Hypothetically – that’s when your visualisations of your future success are so good you can’t be bothered with the actuality.
5. Happily – by realising that you didn’t want a house in the Hollywood Hills or to be chased around by the paparazzi anyway.
6. Secretly – since all success is relative and is ultimately an illusion.
7. Excessively – by falling down assorted search engine rankings after massively over-optimising the SEO on your website and being penalised for it.
8. Technically – due to injury you escape without personal blame for your lack of success.
9. Categorically – by aiming too high and trying too hard (i.e. by willing something that could never become so-called ‘universal law’).
10. Ethically – by being unfaithful to everything you ever believed in (especially if that happens to be the sanctity of marriage or monogamy).
And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!
Tags: don't be evil, failure, success, visualisation
Fail!
Failure is the only game in town. Success belongs to other people; nobody wants your failings, and so they’re endlessly customisable.
There’s no success like failure!
But I want to fail miserably!
If you’ve got some nasty shit going on like failure then the best thing to do is ignore it!
Yes, success is actually just carrying on, success stops when you stop carrying on, failure is no opposition, it is all potential outcomes of demented glory whistling away like finely sprayed blood, and it’s all about the knees, you have to fall to your knees to embrace the failure.
Really, success and failure are interchangeable. You cannot set out to fail, because even if you succeed in failing you have not failed in succeeding, only failed to set the limits of your failure beyond your own success-failure dichotomy. It’s up to others to award you the highly prized and much coveted pink star of ‘looser’. Better to call you a success, like I do Beckett.
Ever tried. Ever Failed. Never mind I didn’t want to be a stupid writer anyway.
Failure is the only game in town. Success belongs to other people; nobody wants your failings, and so they’re endlessly customisable.
Failure for dummies!
I pick number 4, the only problem is I am too good at that one.
Fail now – do not feed the master narrative.
how many fails make one success??
On your own terms, every single one!
Do it till you’re satisfied!
I’m a failure. I Mick Blunter. I can’t get no dissatisfaction.
I’m a failure but am I enough of a failure?
Words fail me!
I misread this as 10 Best Ways To Fall when I first saw it. But that would be a really useful blog coz I’m always falling over.
Fail? I can’t even be bothered to try!
But what happens if despite your best efforts to fail you find yourself succeeding?
In that case, Martina, I’m afraid you’ve turned into Stewart Home, darling of the anti-establishment establishment.
failure is just success with a different soundtrack
…and Punk Rock is Capitalism’s Botox.
I always figured Punk was more roto-rooter while new wave was more Capitalist Botox but then again …
I wish I could fail elegantly. That massive advance would certainly come in handy. Anyway, who needs an audience when you have yourself!
Good point…..