Archive for the ‘food and drink’ Category

2 Classic Cafes – Paris and London

Saturday, December 1st, 2012

The cheap and traditional cafe has been in terminal decline in the west end of London for some time now. And there is a real dearth of inexpensive and uncrowded places to sit down for a coffee later on in the evening. Bar Italia may have its fans but I’m not one of them – I prefer to go to Valentino at 13a Greek Street. It is very small but relatively inexpensive and uncrowded, and seems to be used more for take out coffee than by people stopping to consume their fare. I’ve never tried the food but I’m told it does what it says on the box: i.e. lines the stomach. Valentino doesn’t have a particularly classic interior – and the bad picture by the TV sometimes annoys me – but it is a good resting place if you want to be able to hear yourself speak during Soho’s manic night time melee. The TV is usually tuned to a classic music radio channel and isn’t too loud. The coffee is also a lot better than at the other relatively obvious less crowded candidates for an evening pit stop in the area.

For around seven years when in Paris I’ve often found myself going to Louise, 8 rue Croix des Petits Champs, near The Louvre and The Ministry of Culture building. The food is straight-forward but very good and reasonably priced for Paris (which often surprises me by managing to make London seem cheap by way of comparison – for example, has anyone got any ideas as to why toothpaste is so expensive in France?). What I like best about Louise is the classic cafe interior which is 1960s in design, although it looks to be in way too good a shape to actually date from back then. There’s a nice curved counter which usually has oranges piled up on one side and these match the orange lamp shades hanging from the ceiling – and of course because it has a sixties vibe the other dominant colour is brown. The service is very friendly, with the waiters as well as Louise and her daughter Lilly taking time to speak to everyone (in good English or perfect French depending on your language skills). We could really do with somewhere like Louise in Soho…

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!

2012 Olympics Are Crap Says US Expert

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

Dr Al Ackerman, a noted expert on the many pleasurable ways it is possible to manipulate Chinese anal love beads, says the London 2012 Olympics are crap. Dr Ackerman’s criticisms focus on the fact that instead of concentrating on real sports like topless tennis, nude mud wrestling and bedroom athletics, the organisers have turned the event into a fashion parade. “The original Olympic spirit was naked as nature intended,” Dr Ackerman opines by Skype from his Baltimore home, “I could spend all day watching nude gymnastics but what’s the point if the performers are wearing post-modern designer leotards? The ancient Greeks stripped off for all their sporting activities and we should do the same. I’m not impressed with the cultural Olympiad either – rather than theatre in the round it should feature theatre in the buff!”

Dr Ackerman, known to friends as Blaster thanks to the pungent odour of his farts, also criticised the choice of sponsors for London 2012. “McDonald’s meals might give you indigestion but the flatulence produced by a Big Mac is a damp squib compared to the effect of a really good burrito. If you’re gonna sit on your ass watching sports on TV you should definitely be eating tacos rather than burgers.” Blaster insists.

Ackerman explains that: “The miasma that gradually builds up  from your burrito farts will get you high, but don’t forget to keep the windows and door closed. Once I’m really out of it on that tangy taco stink I like to slip a pillow case over my head. Have a pillow slip to hand with a single slit cut into it for your third eye, coz if you’re watching fit athletes with super strong legs – Venus Williams for example -  you may have a mystic experience. But that ain’t gonna happen if you’re chomping on Big Macs. Rather than accepting sponsorship from the likes of McDonald’s, the Olympic organisers should have sought out backing from burrito merchants. Likewise Coca-Cola as a 2012 backer is a joke! Why they didn’t approach a company that made a decent drink like Four Roses bourbon or Thunderbird wine?”

So there you have it – the London Olympics are crap! That’s official!

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!

10 Places Not To Eat In London During The 2012 Olympics

Friday, July 20th, 2012

Much of what I say below is well known and would apply at all times and not just during the 2012 Olympics – junk food always tastes nasty. Nonetheless it seems worth reiterating a few basic facts about McDonald’s as a scummy corporation and Olympic sponsor (seasoned with some comments about other really crap fast food and coffee chains).

1. Any branch of McDonald’s – as official Olympic sponsors McDonald’s have prevented other food outlets selling chips in the Olympic area; and this despite the fact they only sell french fries made from reconstituted potato and not chips (which are sliced and fried potatoes). This chip ban is yet another McDonald’s’ public relations disaster and it has received plenty of coverage in the UK media. Back in the 1990s there was The McLibel Trial, when this giant corporation took two London based activists to court for documenting its poor environmental, health and labor records, only to discover such a heavy handed approach to legitimate criticism backfired. The book Fast Food Nation (2001) by Eric Schlosser addresses how McDonald’s uses its political influence to increase its profits at the expense of people’s health and the social conditions of its workers. Schlosser  also criticises McDonald’s for targeting its advertising at children. In 2002 McDonald’s were successfully sued for misrepresenting its French fries as vegetarian, when they contained beef broth. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA)  continues to pressure McDonald’s to change its animal welfare standards.

2. Any branch of YO! Sushi – The food goes around the restaurant on a convey belt and you take off what you want. Despite labels supposedly telling you when the food should be consumed by (I don’t remember ever seeing one – but then it is years since I first and last ate in a branch of this chain and on that sole occasion I was a victim of  ‘corporate hospitality’) you might as well be eating at a buffet. The chances are the food is not going to be that fresh, but then the experience might appeal to connoisseurs of that variant on Russian roulette that I call botulism roulette.

3. Anywhere in Stratford. Back in the 1980s the old Stratford shopping centre had the last branch of The Golden Egg I can recall seeing anywhere in England. That cafe was a relic from my childhood.  Set up by Philip and Reggie Kaye in the early 1960s, the Golden Egg chain brought a jazzy mood to eating in British low-price popular restaurants through riotous colour schemes and brilliant opaline lights. Right through the 1980s and into the 1990s Stratford had a gritty if run down urban vibe. The Olympic development seems to be a final attempt to get rid of that and since it and the new Westfield shopping centre will be packed out with tourists during the Olympics, it is a place to be avoided at all costs this summer. For a taste of old Stratford check out Bronco Bullfrog (1970, directed by Barney Platts-Mills) – it isn’t the greatest movie in the world but has a nice title track by The Audience and shows Stratford at its peak.

4. Starbucks – mediocre coffee and mediocre sandwiches and snacks to go with it. The mediocre coffee of other big chains like Costa Coffee is also to be avoided… The best coffee in London is sold by smaller operations.

5. Pret A Manger – another soulless chain selling mediocre coffee and disgusting filled baguettes, soups, salads, croissants, muffins and cakes. ” Bad news for Londoners – 75% of this chain’s outlets are in the British capitol.

6. Pizza Hut – crummy pizzas, crap interior design.  You know you don’t want it!

7. Bella Italia – bad pasta and worse pizza. Part of the Tragus Group, who also own Cafe Rough and Strada – which should also be avoided. Rather than corporate chains like Bella Italia you’ll get much better food in family run Italian cafes and restaurants – the numbers of these small business in London seem to have declined but there are still many around.

8. Nando’s – a chain specialising in chicken dishes, this ‘restaurant’ is strictly for the birds. Same goes for KFC!

9. Burger King – McDonald’s by any other name stinks just as bad… McDonald’s and Coca-Cola might be the two big 2012 Olympic sponsors but it could just as well be Burger King and Pepsi for all the difference it makes. Both McDonald’s and Burger King sell junk food you really don’t want to eat coz it tastes like shit.

10. Anywhere in or around Russell Square – This area of central London seems to be housing a lot of the international media during the Olympics and has been transformed (along with Southampton Row that runs off it) into a major traffic bottleneck. More than a week before the Olympics began Russell Square seemed to have been largely emptied of traffic and filled with dozens of security personal in high-visibility jackets ordering around anyone who had the temerity to enter the area. Aside from Stratford itself, this part of Bloomsbury appears to the the worst place you could go in London during the Olympics!

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!

The Most Boring Blog Post In The World Evah Pt 1: Supermarket stock control

Tuesday, May 29th, 2012

There are many ways to make yourself stand out online and one of them is to do things in the worst or most boring way possible. Since this blog is mainly an outta sight groove sensation I figured a few really boring posts would draw both interest and  attention to how good most of what I put up here actually is! And obviously the best place to start when aiming for ennui is with something that is not only dull but also frustrates us all – such as supermarket stock control.

Like many people I get my shopping in a number of outlets in order to obtain everything at the cheapest possible price. Now Waitrose isn’t a store I buy that much in but I do dig the Village Bakery Rossisky Organic Rye loaf they stock (made without wheat and with no added bakers yeast) – which is way better than the crummy packaged slices of rye bread stocked by the likes of Tesco and Sainsburys. To achieve best value I get the 800g rather than the 400g Rossisky rye loaf. However, at least half the times I go to buy one of these, Waitrose are sold out of the large and only have the smaller loaf. Which means going back again to get the bread later. Likewise, right now Waitrose have Lavazza coffee on offer so it is the cheapest place to buy it – if they have any in stock, because unfortunately whenever Waitrose have anything on offer it is usually cleared off the shelves when I go to look for it.

Tesco rarely have the non-dairy brands of milk I want in stock regardless of whether they are on offer or not. And that shouldn’t be a problem right now because Alpro Soya Milk is on offer in Waitrose. Unfortunately but unsurprisingly when I went into a Waitrose a couple of hours ago all the on special offer soya milk had gone. I could run through all the different supermarkets I use and how they fail me in terms of stock control but I won’t (that would take us way beyond most people’s boredom threshold). The grocery chain that rarely lets me down is Farm Foods but then there’s really only one thing I get there – Nicky bog roll (the best value toilet paper on the market – 18 generous rolls for £4). The problem with Farm Foods is, of course, they have no stores anywhere near the centre of London – the closest is in Walthamstow, doh!

So there you have it, supermarket stock control not only effects our lives it is also quite possibly the most boring subject you could pick to blog about. Of course I could continue with this subject for thousands more words – but that really would be too much!

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!