Archive for the ‘occulture’ Category

10 More Blogs I Didn’t Get Around To Writing

Thursday, October 4th, 2012

1. Charles Radcliffe’s mvoing tribute to his friend Chris Gray at Housmans Bookshop in London on 4 October 2012. This would have made a great blog – since I agree completely with Charlie that to appreciate Chris you have to look beyond the situationists and King Mob and read his book on LSD too……

2. Opening night of the Turner Prize… and why Elizabeth Price was the only artist up for the award who I both clocked at the event and spoke with on the night. That said, I did have a conversation with Luke Fowler about a week before the opening at a Tate dinner – but I haven’t exchanged a word with Paul Noble for years and I don’t think I’ve ever said more than hello to Spartacus Chetwynd….

3. Jack Kerouac’s On The Road Scroll at the British Library (until 27 December). First London showing for this extraordinary object, the 120 foot long scroll made from rolls of taped together tracing paper on which Kerouac’s most famous work On The Road was written. Kerouac fabricated the roll in order to avoid replacing paper at the end of the page as he was typing – which he felt interrupted his creative flow.

4. Why the Artist Placement Group (APG) is boring. I’m afraid this potential blog post was just too tedious to contemplate – although I would have gone to the APG opening at Raven Row regardless had that private view not clashed with a talk I was giving about Terry Taylor.

5. More unusual London museums such as the Hunterian (surgical museum based on John Hunt’s collection) and the Museum of Zoology (with a lot of animal skeletons).

6.  Why I’m sick of hearing from people who don’t like something I’ve written that part of the content can’t be true because they’ve never heard of some fact or person. Ignorance and proof are quite distinct and anyone over the age of three who needs this explained to them clearly isn’t worth engaging with.

7 Jeff Keen at the Tate Tanks. Like Charlie Radcliffe on Chris Gray this would have made a great post…. I just didn’t get it together.

8. Yet more reasons to stop blogging. I think I’d rather just stop blogging than come up with an argument to convince myself that I need to do so.

9. Jimmy Saville considered as a kiddie fiddler, and why – when I first heard the rumours that he was sexually abusing young girls when I was schoolboy in the nineteen-seventies – it took until 2012 before the subject was aired in the media. Basically everyone else got in on this one before me.

10. Ten exhibitions openings I didn’t bother to attend. Since I couldn’t be bothered to go and see the work I didn’t see why I should trouble myself with writing about it….

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!

The Chus Martinez Project

Thursday, August 9th, 2012

Chus Martínez is a relatively obscure Spanish guitarist who in the late-sixties and early-seventies played cheesy easy listening tunes with this band – often covers of well known hits. Given Martinez’s failure to conquer the world musical scene he can be interpreted as a symbol of heroic failure, and his name has been specially selected for a new multiple identity project in the tradition of Monty Cantsin, Karen Eliot and Luther Blissett. The Chus Martínez moniker has the advantage of being one that might belong to either a male of a female since Chus as a first name does not appear to be gender specific. In this way it is superior to any previous multiple identity we are aware of.

Chus Martínez  is a name that refers to an individual human being who can be anyone. The name is fixed, the people using it aren’t. The name Chus Martínez can be strategically adopted for a series of actions, interventions, exhibitions, texts, etc. You can use the name Chus Martínez when involved in making art, making music, or just making trouble as an activist. The purpose of many different people using the same name is to create a situation for which no one in particular is responsible and to practically examine western philosophical notions of identity, individuality, originality, value and truth.

Anyone can become Chus Martínez simply by adopting the name. When one becomes Chus Martínez one’s previous existence consists of the acts other people have undertaken using the name. When one becomes Chus Martínez one has no family, no parents, no birth. Chus Martínez was not born, s/he was materialised from social forces, constructed as a means of entering the shifting terrain that circumscribes the ‘individual’ and society. Chus Martínez is a transsexual collective phantom.

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!

2012 Olympics Are Crap Says US Expert

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

Dr Al Ackerman, a noted expert on the many pleasurable ways it is possible to manipulate Chinese anal love beads, says the London 2012 Olympics are crap. Dr Ackerman’s criticisms focus on the fact that instead of concentrating on real sports like topless tennis, nude mud wrestling and bedroom athletics, the organisers have turned the event into a fashion parade. “The original Olympic spirit was naked as nature intended,” Dr Ackerman opines by Skype from his Baltimore home, “I could spend all day watching nude gymnastics but what’s the point if the performers are wearing post-modern designer leotards? The ancient Greeks stripped off for all their sporting activities and we should do the same. I’m not impressed with the cultural Olympiad either – rather than theatre in the round it should feature theatre in the buff!”

Dr Ackerman, known to friends as Blaster thanks to the pungent odour of his farts, also criticised the choice of sponsors for London 2012. “McDonald’s meals might give you indigestion but the flatulence produced by a Big Mac is a damp squib compared to the effect of a really good burrito. If you’re gonna sit on your ass watching sports on TV you should definitely be eating tacos rather than burgers.” Blaster insists.

Ackerman explains that: “The miasma that gradually builds up  from your burrito farts will get you high, but don’t forget to keep the windows and door closed. Once I’m really out of it on that tangy taco stink I like to slip a pillow case over my head. Have a pillow slip to hand with a single slit cut into it for your third eye, coz if you’re watching fit athletes with super strong legs – Venus Williams for example -  you may have a mystic experience. But that ain’t gonna happen if you’re chomping on Big Macs. Rather than accepting sponsorship from the likes of McDonald’s, the Olympic organisers should have sought out backing from burrito merchants. Likewise Coca-Cola as a 2012 backer is a joke! Why they didn’t approach a company that made a decent drink like Four Roses bourbon or Thunderbird wine?”

So there you have it – the London Olympics are crap! That’s official!

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!

10 Best Ways To Fail

Monday, June 18th, 2012

1. Elegantly – that’s with a massive advance from a production company or publisher and no audience!

2. Spectacularly – as success slips from you’re fingers you realise that in a few moments you’ll be dead!

3. Hypocritically – by being evil when your motto is ‘don’t be evil’!

4. Hypothetically – that’s when your visualisations of your future success are so good you can’t be bothered with the actuality.

5. Happily – by realising that you didn’t want a house in the Hollywood Hills or to be chased around by the paparazzi anyway.

6. Secretly – since all success is relative and is ultimately an illusion.

7. Excessively – by falling down assorted search engine rankings after massively over-optimising the SEO on your website and being penalised for it.

8. Technically – due to injury you escape without personal blame for your lack of success.

9. Categorically – by aiming too high and trying too hard (i.e. by willing something that could never become so-called ‘universal law’).

10. Ethically – by being unfaithful to everything you ever believed in (especially if that happens to be the sanctity of marriage or monogamy).

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!