No matter what the original topic of my posts, sooner or later those commenting on them get back to the same old things they always want to talk about. Here are 10 topics I rarely dissect, examine, rehash or argue over but that spammers just can’t leave alone:
1. Penis enlargement. When you’re a swinging big dick like me you just don’t need penis enlargement, and nor do any of my readers about half of whom don’t have cocks anyway because they’re female.
2. How to monetise your blog. If those offering these services were able to monetise their own blogs they’d be doing that rather than trying to scam me out of dosh by offering to teach me how to become an “internet millionaire”. This always brings to mind that old saying: “Those that can do. Those that can’t teach.”
3. Girls tutus. Sorry but I’m not thinking of taking up ballet any time soon – and even if I might look ‘cute’ in a tutu I very much doubt they’re being sold in my size.
4. Zune versus iPod. If I’d wanted a Zune I’d have bought one and wouldn’t be using the iPod that I didn’t buy but was given.
5. Free porn sites. When Argos started selling glass kettles I’m told they used the strap-line ‘watch your water boil’ in their catalogue but dropped this sales pitch when they found it didn’t work. Now not even free porn sites can get viewers – but let’s not bother to discuss that.
6. Viagra. Chances are this is actually fake Viagra but either way I don’t need a pill to give me an erection – all I need to do to get a hard-on is look in a mirror!
7. SEO. I need search engine optimisation like a hole in the head! If this site becomes any more popular I’m gonna have to pay for a more expensive hosting service!
8. Discounted medicine. You may be sick but I’m not!
9. Replica watches. There’s a clock on my mobile phone and they will be clocks on the phones all my reader have too.
10. Add Facebook friends/Twitter followers. I’ve got more online friends than I can deal with already, and since I’m against any and all forms of leadership I certainly don’t want followers.
I also, of course, get plenty of spam comments about topics ranging from laser measuring equipment to top quality wielding, and from diets to low cost bondsmen in the USA – not to mention cut price designers and cheap farmland for sale in Canada, and special offers on designer clothes and private investigators offering forensic services. And I don’t want to discuss any of these things either!
And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!