Archive for the ‘sport’ Category

Why Do Men Love Kettlebells?

Friday, November 2nd, 2012

I was talking to a female fitness instructor I know today and she gave me her take on why kettlebells have become so popular among male fitness enthusiasts in recent years. My friend didn’t put what she was saying in the words I’m about to use, but the crux of her argument was that doing the key kettlebell exercise – the swing – was the closest a guy could get to having sex in a gym. The swing is all about hip thrust and thus resembles male movement in penetrative sex! My friend’s take on the kettlebell swing was that it was a good exercise since it raised the heart rate and used many different muscles, but that you could do it just as effectively with a dumbbell.

Moving on, a year or so ago there were dozens of TV and video parodies of people using shake weights – since those exercising with them looked as if they were masturbating. Now I’m wondering why given the similarity between kettlebell swings and humping there aren’t dozens of YouTube piss-takes of this exercise? Perhaps  today’s video generation is repressed and just feels more at home with jerking off… Or maybe the fact that the kettlebell swing is an effective exercise, whereas scientific research indicates that the claims made for the shake weight are nonsense, means parodies are less attractive? On the other hand if the world was just waiting for someone to point out in public the similarities between the kettlebell swing and penetrative sex, once this blog is posted perhaps the web will be flooded with videos riffing on this elective affinity to comic effect. It would certainly be interesting to see how macho proponents of kettlebell use – such as Pavel Tsatsouline – responded to parody videos (or whether they just ignored such a phenomena).

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!

August Is A Slow Month For News…

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2012

August is a slow month for news – but remember kids that’s because the news is manufactured by public relations departments and this is when they go on summer holiday in the northern hemisphere. This year we had the misfortune to have the Olympics to obliterate the more usual silly season stories. What amazes me is that much of the media claimed that even cynics were won over by The Games during and after the London Olympics. I haven’t seen any change in attitudes among the people I know who opposed the Olympics for screwing over people in east London. Likewise, while one might admire the skill of some of the athletes, for me the Olympics was still an exercise in corporate branding and patriotic bullshit. My attitude hasn’t changed and I think it is a real shame that some incredible displays of human skill were perverted to benefit right-wing politicians and scummy corporate brands like McDonalds and Coca-Cola. Community sports like 3-sided football remain way superior to the so-called elite sports featured in the Olympics. It is already time to start organising against the 2016 Olympics in Rio!

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!

Celebrities Suck! That’s Official!

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

Seeing the pictures of British Olympic gold medal winners with pop celebrities in the papers today reminded me that for some time I’d intended to post a blog about why celebrities suck. I’d had the idea of doing this long before cyclist Bradley ‘Wiggo’ Wiggins said in his post-Olympic win speech that he disliked celebrity culture. Anyway there is the papers today is Wiggo with an arm around Paul Weller in a Shoreditch nightclub, alongside speculation that Weller inspired Wiggo’s sideburns.

Paul Weller is a paradigmatic example of a celebrity who sucks. Back in the mid-seventies one of my mates had older brothers who were close friends of Weller – which is how I became acquainted with this particularly poxy poseur in his pre-fame days. In the spring of 1977 when the first single by Weller’s old band The Jam had just entered the bottom of the top thirty, I happened to be heading to the West End with my mate Mick Carver and we ran into Mick’s older brothers who were with Paul Weller. Mick stopped to have a conversation with his brothers, so Weller who already knew me told me how great it was to get in the pop charts. Weller said to me: “I’m famous now, do you want my autograph?” I told him to fuck off and I haven’t spoken to him since – and why would I want to when he’s a complete twat and has made so many terrible records over the years…

And let’s forget this nonsense about Weller being the Modfather coz he ain’t worth a light compared to someone like Jesse Hector of The Hammersmith Gorillas and various other bands. Hector even hails from Kilburn – as does Wiggo – and sported by far and away the greatest mod sideburns of all time! While Hector made some great records he ain’t a celebrity like Paul Weller, and that’s why the press isn’t speculating that Jesse Hector inspired Wiggo’s sideburns…

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!

Forget The Olympics, Play 3-Sided Football in South London this Saturday!

Thursday, August 2nd, 2012

This Saturday (4 August 2012) there will be a three-sided football tournament at Fordham Park between Deptford and New Cross in south-east London. The games are scheduled to run from 11am to roughly 4pm. You can turn up as an individual and join a team there or bring a whole 5-a-side team with you. Or just go as a spectator. There is plenty of information about 3-sided football online and I’ve also blogged about it here. The game is played with three teams and three goals making it more strategic than two -sided football-  if you want to know more check it out elsewhere by using a search engine or going to Wikipedia. Beneath is the information I was emailed by the organiser of Saturday’s tournament:

Based on response so far we are expecting between four and six teams and the plan is to play four games in either a round robin or a knockout – depending on team numbers.

It is our hope to play with five-a-side – though we will more than likely need to be flexible with the numbers. As well as specific teams there are also a number of individuals and pairs indicating they would like to come along – so I’m sure that either these guys will join teams who have arrived one or two players short – or they may form up into particular teams on the day.

1. If we have between 16 and 24 players we will organise these into four teams, playing:

A : B : C
A : B : D
A : C : D
B : C : D

The league table will place the team with the highest number of goals scored against them at the bottom and the least at the top.

Teams will draw counters from a bag at commencement and the counters will allocate A, B, C or D to the respective teams.

2. If we have between 24 and 36 players we will organise these into six teams, playing:

A : B : C
D : E : F
L1 : L2 : L3 (three teams with lowest number of goals scored against during first round)
H1 : H2 : H3 (three teams with highest number of goals scored against during first round)

The league table will again place the team with the highest number of goals scored against them at the bottom and the least at the top.

3. If for whatever reason we only get a turn out of 12 to 15 players we will still have an exhibition match (and hope others might be stimulated to join in through seeing the play in action)

Game duration is going to be three fifteen minute thirds (rotations) with five mins between each rotation. Total tournament time thus four hours unless we play with six teams and have two games running in parallel – in which case two hours.

There is further information of the Deptford Three Sided Football Club website which you can find here. 3-sided football isn’t an Olympic sport and that’s yet another reason, as if one was needed, not to take Olympics seriously!

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!