Those of you with long memories may recall that I wasn’t too thrilled when I got around to watching Jenna Jameson in Zombie Strippers, but now I’ve found a horror film in which the hardcore porn legend doesn’t star but she does really steal the show. Evil Breed (2003) directed by Christian Viel is a train wreck of a movie. It starts with some hetro sex in a tent and a stupid murder, then cuts to the title credits, and during this there is really bad heavy metal playing on the soundtrack. I watched the opening a second time with Yellowman’s Walking Jewellery Store on repeat play on my hi fi, and this massively improved it.
After the credits there is less heavy metal (so I was able to take George Phang’s Yellowman production off my deck and put the sound back up), and we are introduced to five students and their teacher who are making a research trip to a remote part of Ireland. Unfortunately the countryside they’re in doesn’t look anything like any part of Europe I’ve ever been to, let alone Eire. Visually we’re in Canada, where the film was shot; the flora, fauna and the buildings all look North American. For forty or so minutes nothing much happens other than small talk about horror movies, and some encounters with a couple of American actors who have the worst Irish accents you’ve ever heard (okay, so one of them is Ginger Lynn Allen, famous as a porn star rather than an actress).
Jenna Jameson suddenly appears in the woods and has a really dumb conversation about searching for missing friends with a couple of the students. After this, the small cast starts getting knocked off by the local cannibal mutant(s) who are allegedly descended from the feral family of semi-mythical Scottish killer Sawney Beane (although we never see more than one at a time, there is supposedly an entire clan off these murderous freaks).
Most of the gore scenes are rather truncated, and there isn’t much nudity either despite the film boasting several adult film stars. Everything is really badly cut together too, with the transitions from one scene to another occurring completely at random. Towards the end, the final girl Shae (Brandi-Ann Milbradt) is shown struggling with a cannibal freak, then we cut to her waking up in the mutant HQ; she isn’t shown losing the fight or being carried away as might happen in your average horror flick, and this is typical of the surrealist approach adopted by the editor, the viewer is simply left to fill in lots of blanks because the ‘plot’ implications of the half-shown ‘action’ scenes are ambiguous.
Howard Rosenstein (playing Paul) is eventually punished for his poor Irish accent by having his guts pulled out of his asshole, and then strangled with them. Better yet, when Jenna Jameson is carried nude into the cannibal HQ, she is strapped to a bench so that her degenerate captor can feast on her guts; the mutant attacks her breasts and is puzzled when he pulls out what I assume is supposed to be a piece of silicon enhancement (but actually looks like the type of air-wrap I use when I’m mailing boxes of books).
I got Evil Breed in Poundland for a quid, and you’d have to be off your rocker to pay more than that to see this! It would have been expensive at a tenth of the price… So borrow the DVD from a friend, stick it in the player and get your finger on the fast forward button for that one sick visual joke about Janna Jameson’s knockers! The rest is fluff! If you’re really lucky then some naughty copyright infringer will stick Jameson’s second and final scene on YouTube and you won’t even have to bother with the rest of the movie!
And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!