Yes, the bozos who claimed I was Belle de Jour were completely deluded!

A 34 year-old Bristol based research scientist called Dr Brooke Magnanti has outed herself as the ‘real’ author of the Belle de Jour blog and books. These texts ‘documented’ the life of a high-class London call girl. Dr Magnanti claims her writing is an authentic record of the time she spent working as a prostitute to fund the final phase of her PhD research. I haven’t looked deeply into the various proofs that Dr Magnanti is Belle, but plenty of news journalists have and they seem convinced by them. So while I can’t say with absolutely certainty that Dr Magnanti is Belle, it seems to me to be rather unlikely that she isn’t.

One thing I am absolutely certain of is that I didn’t write the Belle de Jour blog and books despite the claims to the contrary made by various conspiracy nuts. Although the media (most notably The Evening Standard and The Guardian) ran with this story, it didn’t originate with them and I was never under the impression they believed it to be true; they covered the claim without taking any very strong line on it because it made a good story. I benefited from the publicity and sold books as a result, while the journalists in question were paid and generated profits for their bosses.

Curiously, it appears that the majority of those who made and repeated the claim that I was Belle de Jour as if they personally believed it, did so out of spite and malice. It is therefore ironic that their activities helped rather than harmed me. The endless conspiracy theories propagated by these bozos were so ludicrous – involving as they did interminable and utterly fantastic international ‘criminal’ and ‘political’ outrages – that no one took them seriously. It was even claimed that when I temporarily took the position of writer-in-residence at Strathclyde University, I’d ‘fled’ to Scotland in a vain attempt to avoid arrest by the cops. Despite the linked assertion that my incarceration for endless heinous sex crimes was imminent, I remain at liberty…

In fact, beyond a handful of nutters, no one who’d looked into the matter ever believed I was Belle de Jour. You only had to compare my prose to Belle’s to see that I couldn’t possibly have written the tedious shit ‘she’ spews out. My view of Belle’s work is that it is mindless bollocks aimed at middle-class airheads. Had I not been publicly accused of having composed this garbage, I wouldn’t have bothered looking at it, and so it shouldn’t be necessary to add I would never have bothered writing it. That said, if Dr Magnanti is indeed (as I think likely) Belle, then hats-off to her for evading detection for so long and doing something useful in the area of cancer research. Since her prose is so unappealing, she should quit writing and stick to medical matters instead.

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!

About mistertrippy

Stewart Home was born in south London in 1962. His mother Julia Callan-Thompson was a showgirl and club hostess. He has never held down a regular job for more than a few months at a time. On those rare occasions when he's been forced to work, Home has taken employment as a factory labourer, agricultural labourer, shop assistant, office clerk and art class model. Deciding he didn't like working in factories as a teenager, Home pursued cultural and political interests, writing many books and participating in even more gallery exhibitions.
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111 thoughts on “Yes, the bozos who claimed I was Belle de Jour were completely deluded!

  1. Mobile Raver says:

    At least we know that it was you that wrote the Gnostic Gospels!

  2. Zen Master K says:

    And the complete works of Shakespeare….

  3. Belle de jour wrote amputee sex didn’t she?

  4. Michael Roth says:

    Stewart (if that is your name??), I never knew that you were a fit bird, and a doctor to boot!

  5. Michael Roth says:

    I first heard accusations that you were the ‘Belle’ a few years ago. At the time, of what I knew of your writing/schedule/etc., the claim seemed quite ludicrous. Jump forward a few years and I was again dumbstruck to see the accusations pop up on this blog several months ago or so. If I remember correctly, these accusers really became enraged whenever you denied you were ‘Belle’, insisting otherwise. I must admit as a spectator, it was very entertaining. I would imagine their red-faced, foaming at the mouth, twisted expressions as they hammered on their keyboards, and laugh to myself. It’s these simple pleasures …

  6. arse says:

    You’d never have done it because of the aesthetics? Because it was bad prose? What, even if it made lots of money? Yeah right. Look at all the shit you spew out. Look at your unscrupulous readiness to play up to the respect your mug readers have for “news journalists” and “medical” researchers, which you know as well as any real radical does, are a bunch of pea-brained crawlers working for big business. Cancer research, my arse – generally funded by big tobacco and the food industry and government funding-distributors working for ’em. Magnanti is a shill. What were the international criminal and political allegations, by the way? Never heard of them. Wanted for sex crimes, fled to Scotland? No-one can say you don’t keep your image under attentive management. Magnanti is a shill… The prose has your fingerprints all over it…

  7. Joseph Kessel says:

    I already cured cancer!

  8. mistertrippy says:

    Look Michael, here’s ‘Arse’ back to entertain you, so you don’t need to go looking back at the Chris Gray blogs for a chuckle… And it seems ‘Arse’ hasn’t done his or her research properly because they don’t know about the idiots making those allegations in comments all over the web, all linking me to Belle. But perhaps “Arse” is just pretending, perhaps it’s all ‘a joke’, although if I had his or her mentality (fortunately I don’t), then I’d accuse them of being much worse than somebody’s useful idiot… Anyway, here’s fun for those that in the 18th and 19th centuries would have paid for admission to a lunatic asylum to be entertained by the crazies…. Sings sweetly: “Conspiracy theory it’s such a delusion, conspiracy theory there’s too much confusion…”

  9. Mark Nugent says:

    The amount of charlatans in society always makes me suspicious of people who claim “authorship” dubious. Good skewer Stewart.

  10. arse says:

    Just the claimers Mark, or the deniers too? God you must be sharp-minded and a man of the world, seeing through charlatans and stuff!

    As for those claims, Stewart, so you didn’t have a hand in any of them then? Or in producing anything related to Sarah Hilton that even the foolish Andrew Orlowski managed to suss? You take your punters for mugs – and you’re right.

  11. fi says:

    I dyed my hair raspberry pink today, I looks quite nice actually

  12. obviously you weren’t Belle. the money didn’t show 😉

  13. no no… i am belle de jour ( bunuel style ) – i used to hang out in these gardens featured in the intro scene of the film – for real…x

  14. David Flint says:

    I’m Belle de Jour and so’s my wife!

  15. Tania Glyde says:

    I’m actually Belle de Jour and I claim five pounds off myself.

  16. Sean Diamond says:

    Funny how all the haters who pop up on here from time to time never seem to have the guts to post their real names. Could the likes of “b” and “arse” be will self in disguise ?

  17. Kate Muir says:

    Damn, I wish I was Belle de Jour!

  18. Oh I shagged Belle a few times, even though she’s a bit older than the chicks I usually go for.

  19. What? You’ll be telling us you didn’t write ‘Stone Circle’ or any of the Harry Potter books next!

  20. The ghost on the coast says:

    “Ask not for whom the Belle tolls; ask what you can do for your country.” – J.F.Hemmingway, Secretary of the Inferior, 1939-85.

  21. I wasn’t feeling myself when I left the comments above as Arse, who is one of my 666 multiple personalities. I meant to write Lisa Hilton not Sarah Hilton… but then all posh totty looks the same to me, I mean him, my other personality Arse. Also I’d like to point out that I, I mean Arse or should that be Richard Hunt, made a mistake when they suggested Mobile-Home might have left the comments about having fled to Scotland himself… people might jump from that to the conclusion that perhaps Mobile-Home left the comments from Arse and B too, except I know he didn’t coz I did in one of my many split-personalities, or I think I did anyway, and if I didn’t it must have been Mobile-Home what done it! Oh and I hate Ford Prefect too! And look, I’ve used my real name, except I’m not really Paul Rogers, I’m, I’m, I’m, well I’m not sure who I am but I know I hate all you mugs who ain’t nearly so clever as a conspiracy theorist like me who has seen through all the lies. It’s all lies, lies, the media it’s all lies!

    The Gemstone File proposes that Aristotle Onassis, Joseph P. Kennedy, and other prominent figures were involved in various schemes to forward a vast global conspiracy, involving the Mafia and corrupt politicians, brutal oil and drug cartels, rogue military operations, and more. It also posits that early in 1957, Aristotle Onassis had Howard Hughes kidnapped from his Beverly Hills Hotel bungalow; that Hughes suffered a massive brain injury during the forcible kidnapping, and that Hughes was subsequently a virtual prisoner of Onassis on Skorpios and injected regularly with morphine, while Onassis took over the operation of Hughes’s considerable financial affairs, including airlines and U.S. defense contracting. (At the time, Onassis had a permanent suite rented at the same hotel, along with his many other residences around the globe. Thus he was a “neighbor” of Howard Hughes, and in a position to conceive of, plan, and have the kidnap executed more readily.)

    In order to cover up Howard Hughes’s sudden disappearance from public view, including his career as a ladies’ man among Hollywood’s leading ladies, a phony “marriage” to actress Jean Peters in Tonopah, Nevada was arranged, with the help of Paul Laxalt. Laxalt later rode this assistance to a career as Governor of Nevada, and later, a U.S. Senate seat. A series of doubles played “Hughes” whenever necessary.

    “Hughes” (i.e., Onassis acting as “Hughes”) suddenly became a major purchaser of Las Vegas casinos, in line with Onassis’s previous gambling operations in pre-Castro Cuba and in Monaco. The Howard Hughes Medical Institute was created to serve as a major money-laundering money funnel (tax-free, private, not subject to any monitoring by anyone.) Its true purpose was covered up by generous donations to medical research and also to cultural institutions, but only a small percentage of the amount of money drained from the U.S. economy.

    One controversial aspect of the Gemstone File is its portrayal of Onassis as the main force behind the election of John F. Kennedy as President, and subsequently, Kennedy’s assassination in 1963. According to Bruce Roberts’ Gemstone papers, Lee Harvey Oswald was a participant in the JFK assassination plan. He was linked to the CIA, and to Mafia connections in New Orleans. However, the role he was destined to play in the assassination was as the patsy. The Gemstone File names Jimmy Fratianno, Johnny Roselli, and Eugene Brading as the real shooters.

    When Robert F. Kennedy decided to run for the Presidency, Aristotle Onassis ordered that he be assassinated. A hypnotized Sirhan Sirhan was allegedly set up to be the ostensible shooter. His wild shots peppered the room, but none of them hit Kennedy. According to the documents, the real shooter was Thane Cesar, a security guard at General Motors, which was secretly owned by Onassis, who was “lent” for the occasion to act as Robert Kennedy’s bodyguard. Cesar was walking right behind Kennedy as they entered the Pantry area. While Sirhan Sirhan’s shots flew around the room, Cesar lifted a small palm gun and shot Kennedy behind the ear. “The Second Gun,” a documentary by Ted Chirach, covers this scenario.

    Roberts’ Gemstone papers also detail the involvement of Joseph P. Kennedy with the Mafia, and with Onassis. John F. Kennedy and Robert F. Kennedy attempted to break away from Onassis and the Mafia, and the CIA, and that is the basic reason they were shot.

  22. The ghost on the coast says:

    I thought the law. Can’t say it did me any favours.

  23. Half-Baked Moron's B-hind (AKA Arse) says:

    And Mobile-Home wrote the Old Testament and The Koran, so we should impeach him now. And also he doesn’t eat regular meals, or go to church! He has also engaged in fornication out of wedlock. What’s more he smells. And he’s a nerd. He’s a loser. And a wanker! I HATE him, but most of all I HATE him for being so much better than me and for causing me to be obsessed with him. Also he’s stupid!

  24. One of the greatest put downs I ever heard was: “sorry, that’s about as interesting as Charlie Drake’s last fart.”

  25. Laxative says:

    @arse. I though you were supposed to be the bozo with verbal diarrhoea. What’s the matter? Do you need an enema or have you finally realised you’ve made a complete tit of yourself?

    Verbal diarrhoea: a serious disease which, once it has control of a person, causes them to spew forth incoherent babble from the bowels of the voicebox. Often extremely frustrating for the victim and extremely hilarious for the observer.

    An enema (plural enemata or enemas) is the procedure of introducing liquids into the rectum and colon via the anus. The increasing volume of the liquid causes rapid expansion of the lower intestinal tract, often resulting in very uncomfortable bloating, cramping, powerful peristalsis, a feeling of extreme urgency and complete evacuation of the lower intestinal tract.

    Enemas can be carried out as treatment for medical conditions, such as constipation and encopresis, and as part of some alternative health therapies. They are also used to administer certain medical or recreational drugs. Enemas are also used for erotic purposes, particularly to prepare for anal sex, and as part of BDSM activities.

  26. Poop Report says:

    i have the shits big time, i came on this blog and worked my mouth off on the comments and i felt really poorly the following day and i’ve had the shits ever since. …

  27. Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

  28. We don’t need to be clever to learn your lies
    We only have to listen, open up our eyes
    Try to be honest, get kicked in the face
    But if you cheat you’re just a rat in the race

    I’m an upstart
    Hey whatcha gonna do
    I’m an upstart
    Listen I’m talking to you

    Seek out an identity
    You alienate society
    Face the facts, why not admit it
    How can you be outrageous when your mother won’t allow it?

  29. If Brooke Magnanti isn’t Belle de Jour then Michael K must be the Queen of Sheba!

  30. Lisa Hilton says:

    No, I’m Belle de Jour and Dave Kelso-Mitchell is the Queen of Sheba!

  31. Aristotle Onassis didn’t really die, his death was faked, and he wrote Belle de Jour. Onassis is Mister Big and he’s behind everything including the complete works of Shakespeare!

  32. I’ll buy that for a dollar.

  33. fi says:

    I think I’ll become a Christian. I already look like one.

  34. For any American friends reading this, the word ‘arse’ is a British word roughly equivalent to the American ‘ass’ (as in ‘asshole’).
    But you’d probably figured that out from the comments being left.

  35. oldrope says:

    Hey, Trip didn’t write the blog or the books, but he did spend 14 months around 2003 having sex for money whilst working as a high class call girl.

    By weird and ironic coincidence he also spent the time between 27 September 2007 to 15 November 2007 pretending to be Billie Piper.

    Which is another weird coincidence since Trip doesn’t even write this blog, Billie Piper does.

    All of which is a weird coincidence since I don’t believe in coincidence.

  36. …and I couldn’t possibly comment on the rumours that I in fact wrote much of the work credited to ‘Stewart Home’ (apart from that penned by Richard Allen, of course).

  37. Ha – but I’ve just realised that Nosnibor spelled sideways is ‘Nibonosr’.

    Sprunggg!

  38. Actually I’m Belle de Jour…and I’m also once, twice, three times a lady, even if stuck up toffs think I’m no Lady at all! And just wait until Conrad proves that the Chicago trial was a stitch up, gets out of jail and we sue the arse off every stuck-up fucker who told lies about us and called me an Anglo-Canadian Amalda Marcos… Tossers!

  39. Therese says:

    Next you will be trying to tell us you did not write Sarah Palin’s book you rich shady crawling little grub…

  40. …or telling us that airheads are like so last year!

  41. And don’t forget that the real reason I wrote Belle de Jour is to prove that you can’t fool all the people all the time! This appears to be a lesson that Conrad Black has yet to fully learn despite being jailed!

  42. Did you know that William Shakespeare is in fact the author of the works of Shakespeare? That said, we do know that others sometimes revised the texts and that Thomas Middleton in performing such work on Macbeth contributed the witches scene to the Scottish play.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Shakespeare

  43. I’ve had my men investigate Stewart Home and I have no doubt that he is both a red and a subversive, not to mention the real author of the Belle de Jour books and blog. Home can do anything but he can’t do everything, and since he was born several hundred years after the works attributed to Shakespeare were composed, my men have concluded he did not write Macbeth or any of the other plays by the same hand. He is, however, a master of disguise and I was so jealous of his collection of dresses that I had my men steal them. I’ve destroyed them all trying to get into them since they are way too small for me. So forget Henry, stick with J. Edgar, a hoover name you can trust! And if you have any spare dresses lying around, don’t forget to send them to me at FBI HQ!

  44. Come, Brooke, come feel my love muscle!

  45. Hugh Grant says:

    I wrote Belle de Jour to prove I could have been what I always wanted to be – A WOMAN!

  46. Divine Brown says:

    He could have been… could have been… whereas I have been an actor among other things……

  47. Jude Law says:

    Actually I wrote the Belle de Jour book and blogs to prove I’m a consummate actor, and I could sustain something like this over 6 years!

  48. Eddie Izzard says:

    I’m a transvestite, get me out of here!

  49. My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It’s now known as the Democratic Republic of My Dick.