10 Most Popular Comment Topics On This Blog & Why They Bore Me

No matter what the original topic of my posts, sooner or later those commenting on them get back to the same old things they always want to talk about. Here are 10 topics I rarely dissect, examine, rehash or argue over but that spammers just can’t leave alone:

1. Penis enlargement. When you’re a swinging big dick like me you just don’t need penis enlargement, and nor do any of my readers about half of whom don’t have cocks anyway because they’re female.

2. How to monetise your blog. If those offering these services were able to monetise their own blogs they’d be doing that rather than trying to scam me out of dosh by offering to teach me how to become an “internet millionaire”. This always brings to mind that old saying: “Those that can do. Those that can’t teach.”

3. Girls tutus. Sorry but I’m not thinking of taking up ballet any time soon – and even if I might look ‘cute’ in a tutu I very much doubt they’re being sold in my size.

4. Zune versus iPod. If I’d wanted a Zune I’d have bought one and wouldn’t be using the iPod that I didn’t buy but was given.

5. Free porn sites. When Argos started selling glass kettles I’m told they used the strap-line ‘watch your water boil’ in their catalogue but dropped this sales pitch when they found it didn’t work. Now not even free porn sites can get viewers – but let’s not bother to discuss that.

6. Viagra. Chances are this is actually fake Viagra but either way I don’t need a pill to give me an erection – all I need to do to get a hard-on is look in a mirror!

7. SEO. I need search engine optimisation like a hole in the head! If this site becomes any more popular I’m gonna have to pay for a more expensive hosting service!

8. Discounted medicine. You may be sick but I’m not!

9. Replica watches. There’s a clock on my mobile phone and they will be clocks on the phones all my reader have too.

10. Add Facebook friends/Twitter followers. I’ve got more online friends than I can deal with already, and since I’m against any and all forms of leadership I certainly don’t want followers.

I also, of course, get plenty of spam comments about topics ranging from laser measuring equipment to top quality wielding, and from diets to low cost bondsmen in the USA – not to mention cut price designers and cheap farmland for sale in Canada, and special offers on designer clothes and private investigators offering forensic services. And I don’t want to discuss any of these things either!

And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!

About mistertrippy

Stewart Home was born in south London in 1962. His mother Julia Callan-Thompson was a showgirl and club hostess. He has never held down a regular job for more than a few months at a time. On those rare occasions when he's been forced to work, Home has taken employment as a factory labourer, agricultural labourer, shop assistant, office clerk and art class model. Deciding he didn't like working in factories as a teenager, Home pursued cultural and political interests, writing many books and participating in even more gallery exhibitions.
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25 thoughts on “10 Most Popular Comment Topics On This Blog & Why They Bore Me

  1. Dirty Fiona Optimization says:

    There are 37,272 comments in your spam queue right now.

  2. kent perry says:

    Particulaly like the line about looking in the mirror if i want a hard on but then I have a small mirror

  3. Editore says:

    You’d look great in a tutu!

  4. Alex 'Licks' Nipple says:

    Editore is tutu much!

  5. Catherine Lupin says:

    Those spam bores also post bullshit comments like this:

    “A powerful combination to ensure success is having the vision of an eagle and the heart of a lion. The only difference between success and failure is the ability to take action.”

    So don’t forget that taking action can result failure as well as success…. Indeed past results are no guarantee of future outcomes!

  6. spa says:

    Keep on spamming!

  7. Lucy Johnson says:

    Bare hilare.

  8. g says:

    Duplicate comment detected; it looks as though you’ve already said that!

  9. Mac The Flash says:

    I thought Argos was a free porn site until I read this blog!

  10. Editore says:

    Stewart,

    Are you copying and pasting comments from your fb account again?

    With love,
    Editore

  11. mistertrippy says:

    Not doing it yet but that’s a good idea! Kent Perry and co. know I prefer comments straight on here… Lucy Johnson is really good for that too – but she ain’t commented anywhere yet, but then it’s Saturday night so she’s probably out dancing and partying somewhere!

  12. Maria Pérez-Pujazón says:

    yes, there was a bit of self-boycott in this post. Don´t know but I’m still laughing…

  13. Tim Harford says:

    Why always 10 things in these list blogs? Why not 12 or 25 or 100?

  14. Lucy Johnson says:

    I was having dinner with the gorgeous Flavia actually!

  15. mistertrippy says:

    Thanks Lucy – and actually you had commented even if only briefly…. Sometimes I reply to people in a rush and as I’m doing several different posts at once don’t check all the earlier comments properly….

    @ Tim Harford – 10 is a nice round metric number, 5 is usually too few and 12 invokes old imperial measures and more than that is usually too many.

  16. Klondike Pete says:

    Cheap famrland in Canada sounds great – there’s black gold in them there hills!

  17. Mac Guy says:

    What’s Zune?

  18. Dolly Urination says:

    I’d like to watch my water boil – the waters in my bladder!

  19. Ben Gray says:

    No one’s talking about holiday’s in Florida.

  20. mistertrippy says:

    Nothing means nothing anymore!

  21. bullshitdetector says:

    Hi Callam, do you think you could post a pic of your large swinging penis? just to verify that you’re not making it all up as you go along. Try and make it swing, even though it will be caught in trapped light, better still post on youtube, at least we’ll be able to watch it swing. Your no.1 fan, Edna Welthorpe.

  22. Edna Welthorpe says:

    BTW I’ve had words with Joe on the astral plane, and I’ve told him in very certain terms that I will not use that disgraceful made up name anymore. He of course is having the time of his (after) life, the cottaging scene is still going strong on the astral, lucky for him the 80s never happened up there. Looking forward to the pics, your no.1 fan, Edna Welthorpe.

  23. mistertrippy says:

    You need to subscribe to my Ultimate Forex Club to see pictures of my big swinging dick – and at only one hundred thousand grand for an annual subscription it is a real bargain! It provides individual traders access to online forex trading. My service also offers professional charting, expert market research and commentary – and the chance to see my nude pictures!

  24. Lucy Johnson says:

    We can’t contain ourselves! Do you accept Paypal?

  25. mistertrippy says:

    Yeah Paypal, Mastercard, Visa, American Express, but cash is still the best!