10 Greatest Conspiracy Theories Of All Time

  1. It was actually Jackie Kennedy who assassinated JFK in Dallas. He was shot from inside the car! Jackie was fed up with being paraded before the public as a trophy wife, and also with her husband indulging his sexual peccadilloes with hundreds of different prostitutes.
  2. Julius Caesar faked his own death and having discovered the secret of immortality is actually the secret power behind the sub-prime mortgage speculation that led to the current financial collapse.
  3. Using his vast financial resources Aristotle Onassis paid Nikola Tesla to construct a time machine, and then travelled back to the eighteenth-century. Once in the past Onassis created a fake identity as Adam Weishaupt – a professor of law at The University of Ingolsttadt – and then on 1 May 1776 founded the Bavarian Illuminati.
  4. Albert Einstein plagiarised all his scientific theories from secret papers that originated with the The Knights Templar and that were passed down through the ages with the avowed intention of undermining twentieth-century civilisation.
  5. After her death Princess Diana’s body was ritually carried around the sites of 69 stone circles in north-east Scotland. This is the basis of the book 69 Things To Do With A Dead Princess.
  6. Howard Hughes wasn’t actually a recluse. Hughes switched identities with actress Jane Russell (who wanted to drop out of the public eye), so that he could indulge his penchant for cross-dressing in public without anybody realising he was a man.
  7. The 9/11 attack was carried out by several Imperial Wizards of the Ku Klux Klan whose fascist world view led them to loath the city of New York and the US government in Washington.
  8. Lady Gaga is the public face of a huge international plot by fashionistas to take control of the world.
  9. Richard Nixon was innocent of any wrong doing over Watergate.
  10. The real identity of the psychotic serial killer Jack The Ripper is beat novelist William Burroughs. This forms the basis of the book Down & Out In Shoreditch & Hoxton.
    NB. There are no great conspiracy theories. You’d have to be off your trolley to believe the Templars organised the French revolution or that the Illuminati was ever in a position to seize world power (since it was a tiny sect that was completely suppressed in the eighteenth-century). Because for many years I have been plagued by conspiracy nuts who lack the wit to work out that material like the stuff in this post is satiric, it is unfortunately necessary to point that out here. There are, of course, political conspiracies of which Watergate is an example – but vast consciously organised conspiracies on a global scale simply aren’t practical. Or to put it another way, if you think the World Trade Centre in New York was destroyed by the US government using controlled demolition from within the buildings, then you’re a nutjob who’d believe almost anything!
    And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!


Comment by Thomas The Tankie on 2011-12-05 14:54:24 +0000

As Stalin observed: “Just because you’re paranoid it doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you…”

Comment by Betty Boolean on 2011-12-05 15:31:08 +0000

But you know the moon landings were actually faked by that geezer who did the clangers right?

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-05 16:03:46 +0000

Yeah, the old tale goes they couldn’t land on the moon coz it was made of soft cheese and the spacecraft would have sunk right into it, so they flew to Mars then got some post production done to get rid of the red in the landscape and make it look like the moon! Conspiracy theorists will believe anything! Toot toot!

Comment by Bob The Bilderberger on 2011-12-05 16:40:29 +0000

The Bilderberg conference is an annual, unofficial, invitation-only conference of approximately 120 to 140 guests from North America and Western Europe, most of whom are people of influence. About one-third are from government and politics, and two-thirds from finance, industry, labour, education and communications. Meetings are closed to the public and often feature future political leaders shortly before they become household names.

Comment by SC on 2011-12-05 20:09:52 +0000

Number 8 and 10 made me chuckle in particular (imagine too if Lady Gaga was William Burroughs after a particularly lenghty stay in his orgone accumulator), but all good stuff!

Comment by raymond anderson on 2011-12-05 22:36:47 +0000

Howard Hughes and Jane Russell have the same eyes. And they are both breeds of terrier. How more spooky can it get? Everyone knows Diana’s body was reconstituted as a Pot Noodle. Don’t they?
The paparazzi? Lab techs on a deadline.
Pogle’s Wood . I don’t think even you can deny that was Mind Control.

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-05 23:23:07 +0000

But the earlier The Pogle’s was even worse! And obviously played a key role in switching swinging London into a more drug drenched psychedelic mood….
The first series featuring Mr and Mrs Pogle was called simply ‘The Pogles’ and was broadcast in 1965.
This first series which set the scene for the later Pogles Wood – six episodes of ten minutes each – told the story of how the Magic Plant came to live with Mr. and Mrs. Pogle…. and also revealed the truth about Pippin’s identity as the foundling son of the King of the Fairies.
However, the story centred around a very dark and evil old shape-changing Witch, and was so scary that after broadcasting the series only once – the BBC declared it “too frightening” and asked if Oliver Postgate could make a further series about more everyday countryside matters. These were called Pogles Wood…
And can you believe this was broadcast for pre-school age children as part of Watch With Mother… and strangely I think we both maybe would have been toddler viewers… which possibly explains a lot!

Comment by David Icke on 2011-12-06 00:34:10 +0000

Everybody knows that The Pogle’s and Pogle’s Wood were part of the CIA MK-ULTRA programme of a covert, illegal human experimentation. If you guys watched that as kids you’re Manchurian Candidates who’ve been brainwashed and aren’t to be trusted. And yes I know all about Kris Kristofferson and Boxcar Willie too.

Comment by TM on 2011-12-06 09:33:06 +0000

I knew it!

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-06 10:15:00 +0000

Every word of it is true – apart from the stuff which is completely made up and not true: which is only, erm, all of it!

Comment by SC on 2011-12-06 14:51:14 +0000

Yes, once you start there are so many you could make up…. but Burroughs faking his own death and emerging from his orgone accululator as Lady Gaga is a great one!

Comment by TM on 2011-12-06 15:38:34 +0000

But still….

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-06 19:33:35 +0000

Let’s not forget that Britney Spears is my secret love child – just check how alike we look when we shave our heads! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R56-r–VjLE

Comment by TM on 2011-12-06 20:35:55 +0000

dem crazy bald heads!

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-06 21:35:08 +0000

Never trust a bald head!

Comment by TM on 2011-12-06 22:48:45 +0000

What are they trying to hide! I knew it!!!

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-07 09:38:01 +0000

Hair today gone tomorrow – you can’t trust ’em!

Comment by SH on 2011-12-07 11:12:30 +0000

I think some of the conspiracies are created by the CIA (etc.) with the intention to discredit various parties, but the plot backfires when the patently absurd “conspiracy” is widely believed. My own attempt to create a phoney conspiracy in Cambodia also backfired, as everyone believed it.

Comment by Nick Papadimitriou on 2011-12-07 12:03:26 +0000

Number 8 is true. Who’s put pressure on you to publicly discredit it?

Comment by SH on 2011-12-07 13:16:48 +0000

The problem with JFK is that almost everyone wanted to kill him… We’re just lucky someone succeeded before he satrted WW3!

Comment by Betty Boolean on 2011-12-08 15:44:55 +0000

That geezer wot made pogles wood and the clangers also made Bagpuss – need we say anymore? And he died of well mysterious natural causes coz of masonic goings on and wot not

Comment by Conspiracy Debunked October 2011 on 2011-12-12 01:36:26 +0000

As always some conspiracy theorists will hate you for this

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-12 13:27:29 +0000

Belief in conspiracy theory is not rational – and history shows it can lead to mass murder and genoicide, so unfortunately hate is something to be expected from both conspiracy theorists in particular and right-wing nutjobs in general.
@ Betty Boolean – and let’s not forget that as well as Bagpus, Oliver Postgate created Noggin The Nog, Ivor The Engine and The Clangers!

Comment by Betty Boolean on 2011-12-12 18:05:44 +0000

“Ivor”, Ivan more like with his crypto communistic engine for a new world order run by welsh choirs of shape shifting red dragons. Its an allegory or metaphor or simile or something. Thats why they killed him I reckon

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-12 22:20:12 +0000

Wales has it’s own fabulous history of radicalism so I think Ivor is just fine. Don’t forget that during the Rebecca Riots in the nineteenth-century Welsh male insurgents dressed up in women’s clothes before destroying toll-gates!

Comment by Betty Boolean on 2011-12-13 00:38:40 +0000

I can get with that Rebecca Riot groove

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-13 00:40:58 +0000

Me two… perhaps we should start telling people they don’t know what a riot is until they’ve rioted in a dress!

Comment by Michael Roth on 2011-12-25 20:46:46 +0000

Ohhhh, I think that your endnote is actually a diversionary tactic. You see, by disagreeing with conspiracy theories, you are really supporting them. I can smell disinformation at least a few yards away!
A nod’s as good as a wink to a blind bat!

Comment by Michael Roth on 2011-12-25 21:19:12 +0000

I actually like conspiracy theories. I don’t believe in them, but I like their narrative structure. At their best, they are a good mix of sci-fi adventure, politics and pulp thriller.
Also, I heard a conspiracy buff say that he felt conspiracy theories actually reflected the societal conditions (prejudices?) at the time of their creation rather than what they were purportedly about. That stuck with me; sometimes these ideas need to be contextualized.
But most importantly, they are great fodder for fiction!

Comment by mistertrippy on 2011-12-25 21:38:51 +0000

Well we seem to be agreeing – although I’d say they are fiction not just great fodder for fiction…. But I can enjoy a good conspiracy yarn like The Gemstone File – the problem is when people start to believe this stuff! It’s the same with the occult – which I’m happy to use, I just don’t believe in it!

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