10 Best Ways To Die

  1. Heart attack upon orgasm during sex!
  2. Heroin overdose!
    3, Suicide with a single bullet through the head on live TV!
  3. At home in bed in your sleep!
  4. Becoming so engrossed in gaming that you fail to move, eat or drink – and eventually die!
  5. On the toilet like Elvis Presley – it ensures that people remember you!
  6. From laughter after reading this post.
  7. Drowned by beer – nine people died in the London Beer Flood of 17 October 1814, when barrels of booze at the Meux and Company Brewery on Tottenham Court Road burst and spilled into the street!
  8. With an orange in your mouth and a pair of tights around your neck – it’s a little like point one, the difference with auto-erotic death being that you don’t need to inconvenience someone by dying while humping them.
  9. Sudden diarrhoea followed by copious haemorrhaging and anal expulsion of the intestines – like Arius, presbyter of Alexandria, who may have been poisoned  back in AD 336! It’s spectacular and means that in the long term your death will be bigger than that of those who simply died sitting on the pot like Elvis Presley.
    And it should go without saying that you should try to die with as many unpaid debts as possible – since before you go there’s nothing like living way beyond your means, and afterwards no one can get the money back from you!
    And while you’re at it don’t forget to check – www.stewarthomesociety.org – you know it makes (no) sense!


Comment by Sid The Cynic on 2012-01-17 01:16:32 +0000

The trouble with most of the people you see walking around in the cities of Europe and North America is that they’re already dead….

Comment by Bob Weston on 2012-01-17 09:54:59 +0000

I died earlier this month from a gastrointestinal hemorrhage. It was great. In fact it was better than my affair with Mick Fleetwood’s wife, which led to those all important line-up changes in the band and our break through to superstar status!

Comment by The Big Bopper on 2012-01-17 10:09:32 +0000

@ Bob Weston. You’re a little late boy. Buddy Holly, Richie Valens and me, all snuffed it on 3 February 1959. They call it the day the music died!

Comment by TM on 2012-01-17 14:55:47 +0000

No defenestration? Those portals can be tempting!

Comment by Angela Merkel on 2012-01-17 14:59:51 +0000

what about cardiac arrest upon total boredom during sex with david letterman while he’s od-ing on coke and extasy and shitting himself on live tv!

Comment by Mister Corkhill on 2012-01-17 15:35:21 +0000

don’t condone the use of drugs but they always worked for me… damn thought that said diet…

Comment by Beef on 2012-01-17 16:45:06 +0000


Comment by JC on 2012-01-17 19:14:49 +0000

Poisoning was too good for that bastard Arius.

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-01-17 19:55:30 +0000

Whatever happens don’t get born again!

Comment by Kellie on 2012-01-17 20:29:00 +0000

You’re killing me SH….

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-01-17 21:33:24 +0000

Are you a B-Side Baby? Killing Me is every bit as good as the Downliners Sect 1977 A-side Showbiz!

Comment by Martinxo on 2012-01-17 22:04:50 +0000

You forgot rabies! How could you forget dying of rabies? The most FUN way to die, surely?

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-01-18 00:19:06 +0000

There are so many great ways to die that I’m gonna have to run another blog with this title but a different content next time. BTW: I can’t agree with you about rabies because I see botulism as even more FUN!

Comment by Goat Of Mendes on 2012-01-18 00:57:23 +0000

It’s your funeral!

Comment by H on 2012-01-18 01:40:48 +0000

How can you know anything about the best ways to die?

Comment by Cagliostro on 2012-01-18 01:51:16 +0000

I didn’t really die and you don’t have to either if you send me half of what you are worth…. if you’re worthy I’ll find you and your money will find me!

Comment by Wild West Fred on 2012-01-18 08:57:38 +0000

make them eat buckshot!

Comment by David “Oz” Zack on 2012-01-18 09:16:16 +0000

Death is not true! I want to die in the TV! Find out how to live forever – visit The Immortality Center in Tepoztlán, Mexico!

Comment by Aeneas on 2012-01-18 10:03:38 +0000

Dying without dignity is like living a half-life without pain!

Comment by KW on 2012-01-19 18:27:48 +0000

“I will, unless I am very much mistaken, upon the moment of my death, be alive”
Franz Kafka (I think)

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-01-23 15:40:06 +0000

Makes me think of 1979 and Patrick Hernandez singing “Born To Be Alive”…..

Comment by Patrick King on 2012-01-23 17:43:53 +0000

This post made me die a little inside. Oh, wait, no, nevermind, that was just a rancid fart.

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-01-24 17:56:02 +0000

Obviously you don’t see all the spam comments my spam filter keeps outta here… but I check them in case something legitimate has been blocked, and after posting the blog all that spam seems as unsatisfying as a a fart made after a good stool.

Comment by tony zimnoch on 2012-01-28 13:34:54 +0000

Well,Ideally, A Combination Of Several Of The Above!

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-01-28 15:00:37 +0000

Yeah, heroin overdose while having sex on the toilet seems like the best combo of the above to me!

Comment by Betty Boolean on 2012-01-31 21:27:58 +0000

suffocating with my no longer redeemable bag for life from the closed down Somerfield http://m.118.com/a/13452553/map might start the bootle spring and someone might make a statue of me . . .

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-02-01 00:02:04 +0000

Sounds like your bag for life is now a bag for death – and eventually death becomes everybody’s bag!

Comment by Betty Boolean on 2012-02-01 11:24:45 +0000

ooo…. its one of them contradictions of capitalism, bag for life == bag for death

Comment by mistertrippy on 2012-02-01 11:45:08 +0000

All that’s left to do with capitalism is bag it up and throw it into the trash can of history!

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